Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Buffet: Episode I and II

We had been talking about it for a long time, and eventually our thoughts came to fruition at Spirit Lake Casino on Devil’s Lake in North Dakota. The price: six dollars. The experience: worth every penny (and then some). The two competitors had an unspoken but well understood wager - whoever walked away with the most food in their belly without upchucking would be crowned the king of the cafeteria.

For my first plate I loaded up two pounds of steak and shrimp (the specialties for the night) along with some token greenery on the side. Clancy stocked up on a more dainty portion of fried foods and steak for his first helping. As I loaded my second plate, filled with primarily with meatballs and breads, I took note of our differing strategies. Clancy preferred to dish up modest portions while I tended to hamster-pile a great deal of food onto one dish - a survival instinct perhaps? For his second plate, Clancy selected a vegetable assortment featuring a salad - a rookie mistake (though I didn‘t mention this during the competition). By the time I was working on my sixth plate, Clancy was on his fourth. While I sat with a hefty pile of shrimp and my fourth desert in front of me, Clancy looked longingly at his lonely plate that consisted solely of one egg roll and seven grapes. Knowing the victor had already been decided, I stared him down, like a Bengal Tiger eyeing his prey. I could have stopped the massacre at that moment, but I wasn’t playing simply to win, I had to beat the spread; like running up the score in a rival college football game - glory was at stake here. By the time that the crumbs had settled, we both walked away losers. With extreme discomfort and indigestion on the horizon, we had just enough mobility to waddle out to the casino floor where I spent half an hour on the blackjack table and lost eight dollars - a personal best for me given that my only other casino experience resulted in me parting with 14 dollars.

In the morning, we woke up late, hungover from the previous night’s food binge. Much to our dismay, we arrived just ten minutes before the waffle buffet closed. In a mad dash, we filled multiple plates with Belgian waffles, fruit, French toast, and shortbreads. The scene must have looked something like a $5,000 shopping spree at the Eagle Point Wally-world. We were so focused on snapping up food before the wait staff did that we hardly took note who was devouring greater portions. In the end it hardly mattered - we both ate enough to put off our next meal until 4:30 PM.

Before leaving the Casino, we decided to take a glance at the pool. It just happened to feature a waterslide that we felt compelled to test drive (see picture). Afterwards, we were still too stuffed to start pedaling so we lingered in the hot tub until nearly 2 PM. I’m certain I’ve had this much fun before, but I sure can’t remember when.


  1. Why does this not surprise me. Chase you had an advantage with Tommy on board. Glad to see that you have not lost your appetite. Taking off to San Francisco for a week tomorrow for football camp and the Poly is going to work on his shop. Keep pedaling you guys are making great progress keep the great stories coming.

  2. Gluttons!! Buffets don't make the dough on guys like you. Great story.

  3. C&C, I'm so delighted by your writing gift. Very well done and I'm not easy to please. I could feel my stomach beginning to fill up as I read.Blessings to you! Aunt Marsha

  4. hilarious. absolutely.
    Bonus that you used hamster-pile!

    I hope there is an epidode III rebuttle w/clancys side of the story (wherin he is the victor, and you the waif...)

  5. Dawn: Hope football camp is excellent! I miss San Fran, can't wait to get there on our trip.
    Tresa and Marsha: Glad you're enjoying our blog =)
    Ash: I'm sure there will be a Clancy rebuttal. If I can get him to write more on here maybe he can give everyone a more realistic take on some of our adventures =)

  6. Yeah, the true winner of the eat off is is not who you might think! Im a very slow writer and there is a story coming soon.

  7. ...The world anxiously awaits!

    You guys were a topic of conversation @ the Barton dinner this evening...seems your blog is a primary source of entertainment for a number of us, even more than you might expect... :-)